5 Questions with Sam Permar
The dark, satirical “Humans of My Bed: Neel” pries into the private life of a man named Neel who’s just had sex with Kip. We asked director Sam Permar where the idea came from, the rest of the series, and what comes next for him…
1) Can you talk briefly about your background, and how you first got interested in film/video making?
I grew up on Martha's Vineyard and lived there year round, so I was in a pretty isolated (but beautiful) environment most of my life. There wasn't much to do there, so I'd watch movies all the time. When I was around 5 I started to make movies in my head--I didn't have a camera, so I'd staple paper together and draw the stories out with markers. I eventually decided to be an actor and moved to New York to go to drama school, and there I took a writing class, which made me fall in love with writing again. That was when I started calling friends over and being like, "Let's shoot stuff."
2) What was the earliest seed of this project? And how did you go about developing it in the early stages?
The awkwardness of dating. In college I found Grindr culture to be exciting and empowering but also scary, weird, and problematic. The easiest way to meet guys was to invite strangers over from an app! Those fleeting connections were what really inspired this project. I also keep a folder on my phone of random ideas that pop into my brain (subway commutes and falling asleep are when my creative instincts are most active). I was probably scrolling between "Humans of New York" and sex memes or something, but the "Humans of My Bed" title just came to me one day. From there I incorporated my own insecurities and experiences with gay dating into a mockumentary format. The cringey style came naturally.
3) I haven’t seen the rest of the episodes, but this is part of a series. I’d love to hear a bit more about that - would you say the tone / themes are similar in each ep, or is it looser? Is there an overarching connection, or through-line in the eps? What is different in Neel than the others?
Each episode presents the raw footage of Kip interviewing whoever he's just hooked up with. Every segment is uncomfortable in a different way, but the heart of Humans of My Bed is that Kip's interviews are the only way he can get any meaning or permanence from his connections. If he films them, maybe they'll feel more real or meaningful. But we laugh at it because his pursuit of men is done in all the wrong ways. If you watch the season through you can actually pick up on some connections between episodes. In one segment, Kip gets rejected by someone he has a crush on. The following interview is a definite (and not very nice) reaction to that experience. With "Neel," which is the final episode of season 1, I wanted to create a scenario where the consequences of Kip's actions felt more tangible. He needed something to happen that could allow him to grow. Hopefully, the only way he can go now is up.
4) What’s a film or series you’ve seen recently, new or old, that you really loved and why?
I'm rewatching PEN15. It's incredibly relatable. It taught me that embracing the most embarrassing or uncomfortable details in personal writing can make a piece more universal. There's a scene in the second episode where Maya Erskine (who plays herself as a 13-year-old) is masturbating in her room and her mother walks in and asks, "What's that smell?" Maya, whose mother cannot know that she was touching herself, responds that it's her farts. "I ate sweet potatoes." It just doesn't get realer than that. It feels scary to write so personally, but being bold and keeping it honest makes the stuff more special and relatable. (Sometimes I wonder what my extended family, or classmates from elementary school, are experiencing when they see Humans of My Bed come up on their news feeds.)
5) What’s next for you?
I've been wanting to do horror for a while. I almost think of Humans of My Bed as horror. Social horror! Having grown up in the woods and being scared all the time there, I really feel safe in my Brooklyn apartment. With my next project I want to change that and make my secure NYC home terrifying. Home invasion is one of my biggest fears. Besides that, I'm collaborating with Michael Kirshner of Humans of My Bed and another friend, John e. Kilberg, on some fun (and dark) short films! Oh yeah, and Humans of My Bed season 2 is coming, I just need to have a few more awkward Grindr experiences to fuel my creative juices.
