1) Can you talk briefly about your background, and how you first got interested in filmmaking?

I come to filmmaking from a theater and performance background. I didn’t grow up watching a lot of movies nor did I study film in school. I made Disforia, my first short film, because a few smart people told me that if I wanted to get agents as an actor, I needed to be able to show myself performing on screen. (They were right, by the way).

Swimming in the New York “hustle” mentality, I decided to try and make a movie myself and that ended up being Disforia. I wrote, co-directed, produced and starred in the film, which was a lot, but also an intoxicating experience. Since then, I’ve come to love the immersive process of filmmaking and the multi-disciplinary perspective it necessitates. Even on a no budge(t) short like Disforia, we had nearly thirty artists and technicians on set. The experience of working together to create a single image for each frame… and getting to be the conductor of that wave… it’s quite the high!

2) What was the initial idea for this project and how did it evolve from there?

The seed for the film started to develop when I realized I could have free access to this mansion up in Westchester, NY that was about to be demolished. What I really wanted was to shoot a movie during the demolition process, but since that timeline was up in the air, I needed to create a storyline that would explain why the house was completely empty (except for a table and chairs we brought in for the dinner scene). 

Also at the time, I was having a recurring nightmare that is very similar to the main dinner scene in the film. I wasn’t yet out as non-binary or trans, and while I didn’t realize it until later, I needed the film to test out (under the guise of artmaking) how it might feel to be witnessed as my authentic self.  

Disforia came together to communicate the bizarre, uncanny, dizzying feeling of being assigned the wrong gender, which is perhaps why I gravitated towards repetitive choreography, glitch effects, and looping visuals as my main storytelling techniques. 

Funnily enough, by the time I was in the edit with Dulcinee (the film’s iconic editor, and a fantastic writer/director in her own right), I didn’t even care about ending up with something that would impress agents enough to want to sign me. I mean, there is hardly any dialogue in the film. The final product almost feels like an experimental music video. Instead, trying to articulate this particular flavor of alienation became an obsession. And, honestly, I think I’m still obsessed with it, because I don’t think Disforia the short totally got there. I mean, how could it have? It’s seven minutes long. 

3) What was the biggest challenge in making this film? And the easiest part?

The biggest challenge was getting production off the ground. Being new to the city (I grew up in NY, but went away for school), I didn’t have any friends in film. I found the majority of the cast and crew through posting in large Facebook groups like “Women in Film.” I was extremely lucky that no one ended up being a weirdo, considering nearly everyone who worked on the film (and slept over at the house) was a complete stranger. 

About two weeks out from shooting, I realized I couldn’t act in nearly every scene and direct a thirty person set as a first time filmmaker without help. I asked an old friend, Heidi Hartwig who is an amazing filmmaker much further along in her career to support me on set as co-director. Somehow she made the time and said yes, and if she hadn't been on set overseeing everything, I’m not sure the movie would have gotten made. 

The easiest part of making the movie was jumping into the pool in 30 degree weather. 

4) What’s a film you’ve seen recently, new or old, that you really loved and why?

People either hated or loved Promising Young Woman. Personally, I really liked it and respect the filmmakers for their boldness. If I had seen it in a movie theater, I likely would have been vocalizing throughout the film. It switches between like five different genres and maintains a refreshing self awareness throughout. I never forgot for a second that I was inside the constructed universe of the film, which felt like a surprisingly good way to handle the subject matter. The almost Brechtian performativity of it all also made the ending a lot more jarring, which genuinely surprised me (no small feat these days). 

5) What’s next for you? 

I am working on the feature length adaptation of Disforia and learning each day what it means to nurture a writing practice. I am a native performer and a collaborative artist, whereas the solitary act of formal writing is totally new to me. If anyone has any tips - please slide into my DMs!

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